Time to Lose

So, Justice and I have decided that we are going to Florida in May. I'm definitely excited but at the same time, I'm in a pretty sensitive state of mind right now. I've gained a lot of weight in the past few months and I knew this, but I had no idea how bad it truly was...until the scale was brought out this afternoon. As much as it is going to kill me to announce my weight to the world, I have to do it because I need to make a change.

Here I go...announcing to all of my friends, family, and the entire world...I weigh 208.8 pounds at 5'8". There. I said it. I admit it. I'm fat.

I'm embarrassed. I'm pissed off. But ultimately, I'm very disappointed in myself. In 2005, I knew I was overweight and I decided that I needed to make a change in my life when the scale topped 200 pounds. I did it. I lost 40 pounds by 2006. I went from a size 15 jeans to a size 11. I was happy with (almost) everything I wore (although I wasn't 100% confident, I knew I looked good). I weighed in at 158 at 5 foot 8 inches. I felt great.

I found out I was pregnant in late November of 2006 and from that point on, my weight went up (obviously) and by my eighth month (which is when Carter was born), I weighed in at 202. After I gave birth, I dropped back down to about 190, then lost about another ten pounds later, weighing in at about 180-ish. Apparently motherhood hasn't had me moving around as much as I thought it had. Can you believe this? I weigh more now than I did in my eighth month of pregnancy! It's a really hard kick in the face. Perhaps a wake-up call.

I was about to sit here and write a novel about how I've struggled with my weight my whole life, about how I was teased as a child, about how sensitive I am about my weight...but screw it. I'm not going to sit here and roll around in a pool of self pity anymore. There's no need in beating myself up, this will only make me less motivated. I've got to make positive changes in my life. I have to. I can't do this anymore.

I joined caloriecount.com, a website based on setting healthy goals for yourself complete with a journal, food log, activity log, calorie coach, eat meter, burn meter, forums, support groups, and so much more. (I tried to join Self.com - a great magazine by the way - to join the weight loss challenge but the site seems to be having some difficulties at the moment.)

I've got my pedometer. I've got a weight, body muscle, and water scale. I've got an amazing fiance to motivate and work with me. I've got a dog to walk and a son to chase around the house. I can do this.

Follow me through this... I'll update often with my progress.